


River's Stories

by Sigilmancy



Category: Original Work
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Psychotropic Drugs, Rough Sex, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-11-10 19:10:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20856818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sigilmancy/pseuds/Sigilmancy
Summary: Stories about a tabaxi monk





	1. Astrology

The day she was born the elders of her clan looked to the stars, the moon in the sky, the sun. They heard the world around them through wizened ears, and saw through eyes that had experienced the world. Everything was a sign, even the crying of the child held in her mother's arms, and then she was given a name; Flow of the River. Like her mother, End of Winter, and her father, Rhythm of Drums, and the others of the Graceful Glade clan she was named based on what the elders saw and heard, taking into account the position of the stars, moon and sun as well.

"What do you see in her, that she would be given such a name?" Winter asked, looking at the elders when they told her what her daughter would be called.

"Like a mighty river, none shall stand in her path. She will overcome all odds with whatever she has set her mind to, but this is also dangerous as she may sometimes forget those around her in pursuit of this. Just as a river, swollen with flood waters or ice melt, may rush over its banks and endanger those who live nearby. She will need to learn control and precision, lest this become the case." One said, looking at the infant tabaxi now asleep in her mother's arms.

"Then, by your permission, I should like to ensure she can join the Order of the Nightingale when she is old enough. Training to become a monk would be the best way to help her learn to control herself in this situation." Winter again looked to the elders, and to her mate, hoping this decision would be accepted by them.

"We do feel that is best. One of us will go speak to the Order, and ensure your daughter has a place there when she comes of age. As you know that time will be in only a few years, and then after that she will be far from you until her training is complete. You would not get to watch her grow, or be there for her as most parents are." A second elder looked at them both as well, but both parents only nodded quietly. "Good. Then we will leave you, for now, and make the arrangements. We wish you luck in raising her while you can." And with those words all the elders filed out of the small house, built high in the trees of the jungle they called home.

"Are you sure this is wise, my dear?" Drums looked to his mate, then down to their daughter.

"I do. We have always trusted the elders on these matters before. I love our daughter, but I will not risk her becoming a danger to this clan or the people she loves because we would not do what is right for her. Maybe she will not understand, maybe she will hate us or think we abandoned her. Those are things I can live with, if it prevents her from hurting someone because she cannot control herself." Winter sighed, settling back and allowing Drums to take River and hold her for a time.

"Then I will trust your judgement, and that of our elders." He said quietly, putting Winter at ease as she slept finally after the long hours giving birth. He would stay, sitting down nearby and rocking little River so she would continue to sleep, thinking about her future and praying that this was the right choice to make for all of them.


	2. Candle Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Weekly Pet Prompt on Subeta, prompt Candle Light

"This is the final step to your initiation." A distinctly female voice echoed through the small chamber, lit only by the small singular candle that dangled from the ceiling, held in place by the glass bulb around it. "If you come out alive you will be considered a full-fledged member of our order."

River looked at the room with a sense of dread. Square, only a few feet in every direction, barely big enough for her to lay down let alone comfortably. No room to pace, exercise, or otherwise practice everything that had been taught to her up to that point, and no furniture save a mat on the floor.

"What....do I do?" River looked back at her mentor, trying not to show how confused and scared she was by this final trial.

"Meditate." The woman responded. "You will be left in here for one week, no food, water or contact with anyone." She motioned to the thick stone door, the scrapes in the floor where it had resisted opening beyond just enough to see and fit inside, and the door bar that had to be unbolted for good measure. "No one will hear you, no one will save you. That candle is enchanted to never go out so you won't have to worry, but as you can see it provides only minimal light. We are, after all, an order of the shadows."

River hesitated as the details of her final trial were described to her. A full week with just....nothing. She knew her body could survive that long without food or water, if barely, but what would the isolation do to her sanity? Perhaps that was why her mentor had said 'if' instead of 'when'.

"You do not have to go through this, you know." River was snapped from her thoughts, looking back at the other tabaxi woman with her head tilted. "Not everyone does, though it would mean you could never be fully part of this order and would essentially remain and be treated as a trainee forever. But there is no shame in being afraid of this, or in refusing." Her words should have been soft and reassuring, yet they were anything but. She was going through the motions, and River saw in her expression that the woman did see backing down from this challenge as shameful.

"I will do it." Those four words sealed River's fate, even if they came out of her mouth without her quite realizing what she'd said. As if in obedience to the words more than her mind, River walked into the room and sat down on the mat.

The door closed without another word, and after the sounds of it slamming shut there was just silence. In the dim light of that single candle she couldn't even see the door anymore as it blended in with the rest of the stone walls, and now there was no going back. Panic rose up in her and River squashed it with everything she had, willing herself to simply sit and be still.

Despite being magical the candle flickered like a real one, the flame sending small shadows dancing across the walls. But River steeled herself, shutting her eyes and embracing the darkness. One whole week was sure to feel like a lifetime stuck with nothing but her own thoughts, and maybe the darkness would lead to madness, but she had to try now that she was here, whatever that would mean.


	3. Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Weekly Pet Prompt on Subeta, prompt Whispers

Because she'd had no idea what to expect River had no way to prepare herself. Even the mantra of this all being part of her training could only get her so far in the dark room, smooth stone walls with no way out and only a single light above her head to cast illumination on the walls. Some part of her actually thought she'd be better off in the complete darkness, but she wasn't tall enough to reach the candle and had no other means of putting out the magical light source so she was just stuck.

Sitting cross-legged on the little mat on the floor helped, for a time. A meditative pose she was used to, so she could close her eyes and drift off, but in the utter silence soon the sound of her own heart beating became maddening. Anywhere else in the world there would be ambient sounds to hear, the life around her even if it was asleep or trying to be quiet, nature itself moving as if breathing in the sounds of tides and wind. But in this stone prison, nothing, no life existed except herself and she was no dwarf, she had no sense of the rock around her being anything other than cold and dead.

"River." Her name was spoken from the shadows of the room, a faint whisper she barely heard. But it was there, and every now and again it would happen again, each time a little louder until she couldn't ignore it. River's eyes flashed open, her fur charged as if expecting danger even if her rational mind told her she was alone. Except she wasn't, as evidenced by a shadowy figure standing in the corner of the room just outside the reach of the light. Humanoid in shape, but pitch black and twitching in a way that made her uneasy.

"River." The voice was almost sing-song, mocking her, with an undertone of burbling water like the natural wonder for which she was named.

"You're not real." River murmured to herself, taking a deep breath to remain calm. "You can't be real. I am alone here, and you are just my mind playing tricks in this insanity." The thought was reassuring, for a moment.

"Oh River." Now it sounded condescending, like her mentor when she'd made a mistake. "Do you think so few survive here because the isolation, the starvation and the dehydration drive them mad? Do you think they made this room to contain you and others like you, or something far more sinister that you are now subject to?" Still just a whisper, a harsh echo in the small space.

The thought, however, made River stop and pause before she answered. Part of her training had almost always included pretty much everything she was told to expect here, though never for as long as this. The room had seemed excessive when she'd first seen it, the walls so thick she could still remember how the door scraped the ground when it was opened.

"Yes, little one." The voice was close, too close, and River focused her sight again only to find the figure gone. "Until they come to fetch you, you are mine!" That last word was a sudden roar from behind her, the hands on her shoulders holding her in place as a sense of terror she'd never known before shivered through her entire body. It was right, there was no escape now, there was only survival.


	4. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Done for NaNoWriMo 2019

In the small, lightless room there was no sense of time. The fact that she was in the grip of whatever evil force seemed to inhabit that space, be it something real or in her own mind, did not help. River had no way of knowing how much time had passed or how much time remained before her mentor would come open the doors to get her so all she could do now was hold out and pray she was strong enough to make it. 

When the door opened the tabaxi woman that had been as close to River as her own mother, if not closer, was unsurprised at what she saw. River sat perfectly still in the center of the room on the small mat, the singular light above her head swirling around by some unseen force and stopping as the door was opened.

"Be gone, spirit. Your time with this one is done." She commanded, her voice clear and powerful. All at once the shadows seemed to vanish, retreating into the corners of the room and staying there. None would dare move while the lioness came in to collect her student, picking River up with great care and not flinching when her stiff body suddenly went limp as soon as she was lifted off the ground.

For her part, River was unaware of what was going on. All she knew was the torture she had been through, the shadowy creature reaching into every part of her mind and exposing everything she feared. All of her failures, laid out and mocked, her body feeling like it was torn to shreds without a mark on it as the pain seared through every fiber of her being. The darkness all around her, muffling her screams for help so that no one could hear her. Then, suddenly, it all stopped. She was left with the pain lingering but fading, her mind blank from the shock of the events.

River would be unaware of being taken to the monastery’s hot springs, stripped of her clothes and carefully bathed. A week without food or water had left her skinny, sickly and weak but part of the challenge was recovering both physically and mentally from her ordeal. Patches of her fur were falling out, and under those spots it was easy to see the bruises where the creature had been able to damage her physical form since she had spent so much time in its thrall.

From there she was dried and dressed, and taken to a special room that was insulated from the outside world more than normal. Darker, quieter, to give her time to recover so that coming out of her unconscious state was not such a shock. River spent three more days unconscious, carefully fed and tended to, and when her eyes fluttered open something was different. Her normally green eyes flashed a shade of toxic purple for a moment before settling, and the world seemed to have lost all its color. River had been trained to feel the ki flowing in her body ever since she had first entered the monastery, but now it was different. Heavier, almost, and as if it were tainted by the shadows swirling around the room.

"You're awake." The familiar voice drew her attention, and River turned her head to stare at her mentor. She saw the woman in a whole new way, almost sensing the ki inside of her as a barely restrained monster that was struggling to get out.

"Yes." River managed, flinching at the sound of her hoarse voice.

"Good. Do not push it, you will need time to recover. But you survived, and that alone is a good sign." The woman smiled, showing River a pendant with a crescent moon sign. Through her new eyes River saw that the pendant held magic, possibly to show to any discerning eyes it was legitimate as opposed to a forgery. "This is the badge to show you have formally made it into our order, River. You can wear it when you are feeling better, it will be waiting for you. For now focus on getting better, and we will be here to aid you." She stood to leave, but River reached out and weakly grasped her wrist.

"What....What was that thing? What happened?" The words hurt, literally and metaphorically, but River pushed them out because she needed to know.

"I..." Her mentor looked away, then looked around. Seeing that no one else was present she sat back down in the chair beside the bed, sighing heavily. "That spirit has always been part of our order. Staying with it for a week allows it to dig itself into your ki, and in turn it becomes part of you. Some don't survive the initial ordeal, but for those that do you will find, with training, that you can use your energy in a new way. You will be able to cloak yourself in shadows, move more silently, cast magical darkness around yourself, and see in the darkness better than our kind already can as well as pass those abilities on to others. It is very akin to the way a wizard might cast spells, but it is done with the natural energy inside of you and not a book or other external source so it can never be taken away or destroyed. That is the nature of our order, to move in the shadows. Your parents knew this when they gave you to us, as the oracles of your village foresaw that you would need the training that comes with this in order to control yourself." She paused a moment, looking at River with sadness in her eyes. "It is always difficult, River. You did not ask for this, and perhaps the events will scar you for life and stay with you forever or perhaps you will forget them. But you have been reborn as an agent to the Order of the Nightingale and you should feel honored." She looked as if she'd said too much already, getting up once more and glad when River did not stop her this time around.

River rolled over, pulling up the furs that layered over her and closing her eyes. She was exhausted, and now she had a lot to think about. In time maybe things would be better, but for now River had to sort through the information and her emotions and everything else bombarding her mind and focus on her physical recover. It all seemed like too much, but if she could survive the spirit's assault on her for a week then she could survive this, and she could thrive. She had to.


	5. Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Done for NaNoWriMo 2019

River spent days recovering from her ordeal, but that had been expected. Anyone who was a full member of the order knew exactly what she had gone through, and they knew that physically and mentally they could not expect too much of her before she was ready. Her mentor was there to support her, and in time she was back on her feet.

"Now that you have recovered there will be a formal ceremony." Her mentor gave her a smile, though River didn't much feel like celebrating. Or being seen by the entire order in the state she was currently in, still underweight and scraggly looking.

"The one where only the order can attend, not the apprentices?" River asked, tilting her head.

"Yes. But do not worry, it is nothing terrible. Just a formality." The woman soothed, reaching out and running a hand through River's hair. "But there is one more thing that will be expected of you; we are monks, after all, and as a formal part of our order you must give up something. Most commonly we choose sex, drugs, alcohol, the common vices of mortality, but it must be something in which we are already engaged." Her cool eyes fell across River, watching the shame that ran across her face.

"Do I have to choose now?" River asked in a whispered tone.

"No, but you must choose by the time of the ceremony tomorrow." The woman said sternly.

River went silent, staring down at her feet. When nothing more was said she walked away, to her room first and then out into the city. Being a monk was hard, and she had turned to many things to help ease the stress. Now she was expected to give some of them up while going forward with her training as a formal part of the order which was sure to be even more difficult. That thought almost scared her more than the demon that had tormented her for a week straight leading to the state she was currently in.

A night spent out about, however, did wonders; after that week her body had physically detoxed from her alcohol consumption. She thought about drinking, but staring down a bar only led back to the thoughts of what she would have to give up to join the order. Alcohol seemed like the easy choice, all things considered, so she abstained for the night and instead found someone to take up to a rented tavern room to distract herself.

Come the next morning River was up, dressed and out before her partner. She went back to the monastery and did her best to clean up and look presentable, her mentor knocking on her door not five minutes after she had finished pulling her hair up.

"I'm coming!" River raised her voice only enough to be heard, quickly grabbing the necklace she'd been given a few days prior and sliding it on as she headed for the door.

"Well, at least you don't reek of booze." The woman sized River up before nodding in approval.

"I...didn't drink last night." River admitted quietly, the words feeling awkward in her mouth.

"Good. Come on then, everyone's waiting." She offered River a hand and escorted her into the main meeting hall. Only those fully in the order, as River now was, were present. The apprentices were outside in the training yard, being overseen by a few of the oldest members who saw no need to be present for one more ceremony. River was nervous, but she stood at the front next to her mentor and forced herself to be still and stare at the back wall instead of all the eyes watching her.

"Flow of the River. As with most of us, you have been here for the majority of your life. You have trained hard, and you have passed all your trials. The spirit is now part of you, as it is part of everyone in this room, and now your training moves into a new level of channeling your ki into the art of stealth as well as martial arts. But in order to take that step you need to give up something. Have you decided what that is?" Her mentor's voice rang loud in the hall, and River felt small.

"I...I have. I will be giving up alcohol consumption as part of my furthered training." She didn't sound as loud or as sure, but the words were there and they were heard by everyone present.

"Good. Then it is with open arms that I welcome you to the Order of the Nightingale." Cheers rang out as those words echoed, and River tried to smile. This was a time of celebration, even if she didn't enjoy being in the spotlight, and she would do what she could to be happy.


	6. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Weekly Pet Prompt on Subeta, prompt Goodbyes

River had tried so hard, but it was all in vain. With the backpack in her arms she ran as fast as she could, but it wasn't enough; the man caught up to her and with one swing of his sword he'd ended her life. She felt herself die as she fell, and after that her awareness of the world faded as well.

On the other side River saw the great well of souls. Everyone that had come before her, swirling around as a giant mass of light and warmth. Their knowledge flowed into her and became hers, and she was content. They spoke to the good she had done in the world, the people she had helped, the people she had saved, and River was happy with that.

There was no concept of time in death, so she had no idea how long she was there. But River felt that nothing was wrong; her parents would mourn, and so would her companions, but that was fine. Anything in life that could have caused her stress or anxiety or fear was just washed away in the glow.

Then, just as suddenly as she had entered that place she was pulled out of it. Ghostly eyes stared at....her own body. Unmoving and cold, laid out amidst candles, sigils and gemstones. She saw her companions sitting nearby, looking on the verge of tears as they watched the priest perform his ritual over her.

Now River had a choice; to stay where she was, or return to her body. Mentally she'd said her goodbyes to those she had even seen to come as friends to some degree, accepting that she would never see them again. She had said goodbye to her family too, the parents who would hopefully bury her, the extended family that would also mourn for her death. But she was clearly being given a choice to return to life, to not have to say that this time around. But that would mean a goodbye to the serenity that death had granted her, and a return to pain. She was torn until she felt a hand upon her shoulder and looked back, seeing another tabaxi she didn't recognize smiling at her.

"Go on, child." The older one said to her, kindness sparkling in her eyes. "You have done much good in the world, but you are young yet and there is more good you could do. Look at your friends; they rushed you here to save you. Go to them."

Only at that moment did River realize she was crying as she looked at the trio. Without hesitation she took those last steps forward and returned to her body. Her wounds were healed but the first breaths were rasping as she coughed and sputtered into life. Next thing she knew she was embraced by three sets of arms, everyone else holding her as she breathed.

The priest was exhausted and needed to rest, and so did River. She accepted help getting hauled back to the inn while the rest filled her in along the way. But that death had not been in vain, for while the enemy that killed her had been able to escape he had not been able to get at his prize; the dragon's egg. It was safe, for now, and that allowed River to sleep peacefully as soon as she was laid down in her bed at the inn. Come the morning things might be a little different, but in the meantime she surrendered to the darkness of unconsciousness, needing to rest after being brought back from death.


	7. Legend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Done for NaNoWriMo 2019. Also a retelling of the events that happened during a session played last night (11/9/19) between River and a NPC that will hopefully pan out more in the future of the campaign.

If someone had asked River to explain the past day to them, she wasn't sure anyone who had not been there would believe her. After returning from doing a few jobs outside the city they had returned in the darkness, only to find the legendary hero Greystone murdering a woman in what seemed like cold blood. She and her friends knew of the murders but had little to go on and the matter of the necromancers and the mayor's missing daughter, assuming she too had not been murdered, were far more pressing as they chased after dangerous cultists threatening the entire area, if not the world as a whole.

While Greystone had been a suspect after the party's cleric spoke with the spirit of a recently murdered woman when they first walked into town a few days prior, they had also met the man and had some conversation with him. He was known through the entire country and beyond as a hero, even if he seemed a bit down at the time, and so River had maintained that he was likely possessed or otherwise not responsible for his actions. The presence of some kind of shades or specters around Greystone as he stood over the body and the way he spoke as if he was not truly himself seemed to confirm that in her mind.

The shades were defeated and Greystone had been knocked unconscious before they took him up to the prison to be locked up for a time. One of them was still inside of him and with the cleric out of spells and the town to small to have a temple or trained clerics on hand they needed to rest before attempting to fix him. Despite the man waking up with no remembrance of what he'd done and clearly agitated to be told he was at least physically responsible for the murders, River was the only one to defend him. The town guard wanted him executed for his crimes and Greystone was guilt-ridden enough to want to face death, and the rest of the party seemed indifferent to his fate. But River wouldn't let that happen, insisting that the possession was not his fault and he was not responsible. She even went above the head of the guard captain to the mayor, knowing that even if the news of his daughter's death that had been discovered in their out of town investigation was not ideal it was more than he had before and now he could properly mourn her instead of holding out hope she might be alive somewhere and that would hopefully earn her something when it came to Greystone.

In the end the mayor agreed to let him go so long as he never came back to the town. He seemed to understand possession, and that the party had been able to free Greystone of it, but he also understandably did not want the man hanging around after everything that happened. As the party walked on ahead to go to the inn and rest for the evening, River hung back with Greystone to keep him company.

"So, I guess I owe you for my freedom?" Greystone asked, looking at her.

"Yes." River said with a smile. "I know you feel guilty, but it wasn't your fault. You are a hero, Greystone, known far and wide for your good deeds. It is better that you are out there continuing that work to make up for what you've done if you truly feel the need to, because there is no redemption in death." Something she knew all too well.

"I suppose you're right." Greystone fell into silence as they walked, unsure of what else to say.

"Anyway, if you wanted company tonight or a distraction...." River let herself trail off a moment later, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"Wait, you mean?" His head turned, and River turned to meet his gaze with a wry smile.

"I do mean." She offered, finding it a bit cute that he was blushing.

"I would like that very much." Greystone ducked his head a little, trying to hide his face behind his shaggy blond hair.

When they reached the inn it seemed like everyone else understood exactly what was going on and gave the pair some room. River paid for a room separate from the rest of her team and some dinner for herself and Greystone after the long day, as well as anything he wanted to drink. She couldn't indulge, but if he wanted to she wouldn't stop him. When all was said and done the rest of her party had gone to sleep and River led Greystone by the hand upstairs to their room. She was not at all passive, pressing Greystone against the door once it was shut and just making out with him for a solid few minutes.

The rest of the night was a good one. They were on equal ground, and unlike most men Greystone didn't seem to mind when River took control and made it well known what she liked and wanted but she also listened to him in the same regard so that it was an experience they both gave a consistent, enthusiastic yes to.

Come the morning River woke early as usual, but finding Greystone still asleep she settled for shifting gently and laying her head on his chest to just listen to his breathing and the beating of his heart. He was warm, too, and she found herself purring gently as she cuddled up to him to wait until he was awake as well.

Sadly they would have to part ways when they began to travel again. River wanted to go off with Greystone, be by his side and continue to help him overcome his metaphorical demons, but she had to stay with her party and what they were chasing with the cultists and Greystone could not go with them. He had to go confront the initial incident that had led to his state of mind that allowed him to be possessed.

When they came to a fork in the road and Greystone had to split off, he took a moment to gather River into his arms and kiss her before setting her down and sliding a ring onto her finger. It was silver with a deep red ruby set into it that glimmered in the early morning light.

"If you want to talk to me, or need my help, just use that. I will hear you and if you need me I will come." He whispered into her ear, pressing one last kiss to her lips before turning to head off. River stood and watched him go, smiling before turning back to her party.

"Come on then, we should go too." She smiled, content with the events of the night before and now with the ring. Greystone meant a lot to her, surprisingly, and River did want to keep in touch over time and maybe meet up with him again. Maybe even have a future once this whole cultist business was over, despite that she thought she might not make it that far for all the close calls she'd had with death. It was something to hope for, at the very least.


	8. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A retelling of events from the 11/16/19 campaign. The other mentioned characters and details belong to the other players and the game's DM.

That night River couldn't sleep, despite having pretended to until everyone else was. In the darkness she could only really stare at the ceiling, listening to the rest of her party breathe quietly as they dreamt. Every now and again she would look over at Brynn, trying not to stare too much. The half-orc woman was half her age, but River admired her and even, in some ways, looked up to her. Especially after recent events, when the shame of the day was what was really keeping her up.

They'd come to Ironhaven to meet up with Brynn and investigate an issue with a drug known as stargleam. In the course of the investigation Brynn had been attacked, and while the pair had been killed apparently that wasn't good enough because the city guard reported their bodies were missing and they may have used magic to only appear dead, escaping in the dead of night when no one was thinking to watch supposedly dead bodies too closely. There wasn't much the group could do, though, unless the assassins came back after Brynn, so while they'd waited for the city guard to finish making sure they weren't criminals they had gone ahead with the investigation into the drugs. After finding a dealer and purchasing a small quantity so that Sildin could use his magic to track anyone who might be carrying some and learning that one of the dead drops was behind the inn they were staying at everyone had returned to partake in the local fight club.

River had been so sure of her abilities. Brynn and Brom were great fighters in their own right, but they were vulnerable without their heavy armor and couldn't hit very hard with bare fists, while Solaren and Sildin relied heavily on magic for combat. But a fight club like this was none of that; no armor just clothes, no weapons or magic just fists. But River was trained as a monk, the ki flowing in her was not the same as magic and could be used in such fights and she knew how to use her body as a natural weapon in addition to the claws her race naturally had and she was positive she had the upper hand. The problem was that the local champion was also a trained monk, though in a different monastic school than hers, and while she almost beat him in the end River faced defeat for the first time in what seemed like forever.

The shame of defeat was one thing. Watching Solaren take some of the stargleam earlier was another; nothing truly terrible had happened to him aside from a slightly bad trip. Drugs had never been River's choice, she'd preferred alcohol since it was cheaper and easier to get because it was legal in most places, but she had to admit she had always been curious. The problem was that in order to properly become part of the Order of the Nightingale she had made a promise to avoid both drugs and alcohol, and while the hardest part of that had been going sober it was also hard to avoid curiosity over what drugs might be like.

Sildin had wanted to try the stargleam too after the fights were done, and River couldn't stop herself. She was so far from the monastery, and it wasn't like they were watching her all the time, she was an adult and they trusted her to keep to her word and stay sober. What harm could one try do? Sildin was there, he could use his magic to cure any addiction she might develop and cleanse the stargleam from her body like he'd done for Solaren.

For safety on that measure, River had tried it first. Her trip hadn't been totally unpleasant, she'd been tossed around in a storm at first but that didn't scare her too much because she had been through far worse in her monastic training. After that it evened out to a hallucination of being on the beach with Greystone, and she was quite happy until it wore off. Sildin had healed her, as promised, before trying it himself and then being healed by Brom's abilities. He had seen something semi-religious, as was to be expected, and with the trips over everyone had tried to sleep.

But River couldn't. She'd made a promise to the Order, and now it was broken. Even if no one would ever know unless she told them, or so she was sure, the guilt was eating her alive. At some point if she ever went home she would have to confess to that, as well as anything else she ended up doing, and pray that the Order wouldn't see fit to kick her out for it. Did they even kick people out? Thinking about it, River didn't know of any ex members of the Order, everyone served for life and died either of age or out doing the kind of adventuring she was doing. Maybe they killed people who broke their oaths, and the thought of that sent a shiver up her spine.

Eventually despite the fear and anxiety and guilt River managed to drift off. She had to remind herself that she had done more good in the world than harm since leaving the monastery, and that had to count for something. She couldn't do anything about what the Order might decide to do with her, and that was long in the future so there was little point to worrying about it. She had to take the days one at a time, help her friends, and continue to keep making the world a better place as much as she could.


	9. Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A retelling of events from the 11/23/19 campaign. The other mentioned characters and details belong to the other players and the game's DM.

Everything changed the moment River laid eyes upon the celestial being, and her blood boiled. How dare they? How dare these dwarves imprison such a creature, torture it, drain it of its blood and use that to make drugs? Her fury was unmatched as she stormed the room, her dagger finding purchase in bodies while her kicks finished the job. If not then her companions were mopping up the mess as well, until the trio was defeated and they could free the celestial from its imprisonment. As Sildin dismantled the magical circle River had Brom help her remove the needles and tubing that were draining its blood and then pick the locks on the manacles that kept it chained to the wall before helping it down. Once the circle was broken it began to wake, but River could only look on in worry as it spoke in a language she did not understand.

Thankfully Sildin did, and he was able to speak with the being. But the information he revealed was not anything they did not already suspect; it didn't know how long it had been imprisoned, or anything about the woman responsible for the drugs. And it was weak, so they would have to leave it to rest and hope it would be safe.

But now River was on the warpath. As soon as they found the room where the leader was hiding out she wasted no time in rushing in despite the woman's attempts to talk to them. The celestial had warned that she was capable of manipulating people quite effectively, and no one in the party was going to let her get a word in to try that. They also figured if they could defeat her then the dwarves she employed would surrender, or at least be easier to take down. After all so far they had only killed those who were trying to kill them; several had given themselves up, and they were now in the custody of the city guard. So River didn't hold back, giving her all to the fight with blatant disregard for her own safety, and as the demonic woman turned herself invisible and tried to escape it was a lucky stab that left her dead on the floor.

As they thought with their leader dead the rest surrendered, kneeling and keeping their eyes down out of sheer fear for the people that had defeated such a powerful woman. River felt the rage inside of her still, and took it out by putting a foot on the demon's throat and ripping the ram-like horns from her head. They were damaged from the fight and broken at the edges where she'd torn them off but River didn't care, they weren't meant to be a trophy anyway she just wanted it done as one more way to spit on such a vile creature. Her only regret was that she and her friends could not have inflicted even a fraction of the pain the celestial had suffered upon her, but River had to have hope that she would pay for such a crime in some other way, in whatever afterlife was out there.

Part of that rage was also her guilt; she had broken her oath and tried the stargleam, only to come to the horrible realization of what it was made from. Once they were done and could go back to the celestial she knew she had to have Sildin translate and have a conversation with it, because she felt the need to apologize. She also knew that the bits of stargleam she had pocketed in raiding the area needed to be destroyed later. The bulk of the stuff would be confiscated and probably destroyed by the city guard, and as much as Solaren wanted to try it again she knew she'd have to tell him later that she couldn't let him do that, not with the knowledge they had now. River still didn't care much for religion, but she knew to respect such a being when she came into contact with one and doing what she could to keep people from using a substance made at its expense was the least she could do in that regard.


	10. Leaving Ironhaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A retelling of events from the 11/30/19 campaign. The other mentioned characters and details belong to the other players and the game's DM.

They had found the celestial's wings, cruelly taken from its back and pinned to a mount on the wall in the tiefling's bedroom like a sick trophy. River was very careful about pulling them down, holding one under each arm as she looked back to the party.

"You guys can explore if you want, see what you can find. Sildin, will you come with me please? I want to return these where they belong." River walked out, glad when the cleric was quick to be right behind her. They ventured a few rooms over, and River placed the severed wings against the stumps remaining on the back of the celestial's shoulders in some vain hope that would work.

As the wings began to shine and repair themselves, she knew it had. The blinding flash that followed faded and showed the celestial in all its glory, looking down upon the two of them as River bowed and presented the tiefling woman's horns.

"She's dead, and she will never hurt you or anyone else again." River spoke softly, aware that the holy being could understand her even if it did not speak a language she did.

What followed was a soft exchange between Sildin and the celestial before it reached out and took the horns from River's hands. She looked up, holding back her own emotions as it stared at her.

"He says thank you, and that he has to leave now." Sildin translated, and River nodded.

"I'm glad we could help." River smiled, feeling relieved. She watched as the celestial floated up, disappearing through the ceiling and leaving a sense of bliss behind for a brief second. Her oath to do good in the world was driving her, even if it was tainted a little bit by certain other things.

With the celestial gone and the sound of guards rounding up the remaining drug smugglers further in the tunnels, the pair returned to the group as they stood where the body of the tiefling woman was still on the floor and her lieutenants sat waiting quietly for their fate.

"Did you find anything?" River asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We did. A letter from her to someone around here, we think one of the local lords. It implies that he was supposed to keep the city guard from tracking down the drugs while she backed him for a coup, presumably against the local king." Brynn shook her head. "We should tell the guard captain."

"Probably not a good idea." Solaren chimed in. "Either the letter is right and the guards are out of the loop, or it's a decoy and they were in on it all along and getting some kind of cut to delay the investigation in which case they may also be in on the coup."

"Agreed." River sighed. "As much as I would like to stay around and solve this, we have to get to Craghollow. We've wasted too much time here, and none of this has anything to do with Aldric. I say we get Shadow to drop the letter off with the guard captain as we're leaving. Worst case he was in on it and does nothing, best case he would know better than we would how to alert the king to any potential betrayals and deal with the political situation." Not that River wanted to leave instead of continuing to help the city, but they just had no time. Stopping Aldric was more important, and she knew nothing of the city's political landscape anyway so it wasn't for her to pass judgement. Maybe the noble trying to overthrow the king was doing so for a good reason, and had turned to the only means he had even if it wasn't a good one, something which which River could sympathize.

Thankfully there were no arguments from anyone else. The city's political problems were not their concern, and while a few other unsolved mysteries were pressing at the moment they just didn't have time. Aldric had to be stopped, and that was all that mattered as they made their way out. It was late, however, and once they were done dealing with the guard captain and informing him that the tiefling woman had been in charge and she had died trying to fight back River hung back and then slipped away from the party into the gathering crowd. She'd meet with them later, for now she had to go find a place to destroy the rest of the stargleam they'd gathered. Thankfully finding such a thing was easy, and River dug out the pouches and even the little glass ink vials Solaren had filled and threw them in to one of the open fires of the smelting pits that was being used to heat the forges but was unattended at the moment. As the fire flared and spat out a puff of colored smoke River turned and walked away, finding a quiet place where she could meditate for a while. There was much to reflect on, and the party wouldn't be leaving for Craghollow until the next morning so she had time to look into herself and try to find a way to come to terms with the guilt that was building over having broken her oaths and the entire plot that she was getting wrapped up in involving Aldric, Elchulus, the cultists, the hollowborn, and the City of the Splendid Sun.


	11. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A retelling of events from the 12/07/19 campaign. The other mentioned characters and details belong to the other players and the game's DM.

Now things were more real than they had ever been. The party stood in the realm of a demon lord, staring down their foe Aldric and trying to prevent him from reforging a pact between the demon lord and Elchulus, the dragon god that Aldric represented.

"You want this pact, but you cannot even stop a group of mortals from being a thorn in your side." The demon lord waved his hand at the party, and Aldric turned to face them with a scowl on his face.

"They mean nothing, but I can kill them here and now if you would let me and that would prove to you the pact should be reforged." Aldric hissed.

"Before you consider that, you should talk to your envoys. One of them told us that Aldric cheated his way through your trials using magic and sacrificing those lesser than him that he brought here." Brynn contested, trying her best to stand tall. But all of them were hurt, most bleeding openly in some form, their mana and ki and everything else exhausted which made it difficult.

"Oh?" The demon lord raised an eyebrow at Aldric, as if finally taking note of the difference between him and the group that stood there. He then called upon his envoys, the two demons appearing at his side as the trio conversed in some demonic language for a moment. "So, it is true. Aldric, I have no reason to reforge the Ebonpact with you or with Elchulus. These people are my champions, as proven by their trials which I have confirmation you did in fact cheat on." He waved a dismissive hand, and Aldric turned on the party with a look of hatred so intense if looks alone could kill they would all be dead.

"Fine! Then I will kill your so-called champions and make you regret your choices!" Aldric roared, and everyone had to brace themselves for the fight to come. River had to steel herself more than normal; her chest ached as she felt the lingering pain where Aldric had stabbed and killed her once before, her life restored only by the grace of a temple cleric who owed them a favor for clearing out the graveyard. But she would not let him get away, not this time.

Sadly that determination was not enough. With everyone drained and hurt from fighting through the trials of the crypts they stood no chance, and River watched as her friends fell one by one. Solaren was fine, being tended to by Brynn and Brom, but she could do nothing as Sildin was felled and she knew her time to get to him and save him was limited. She turned back to the demon lord, feeling the rage building inside of her again.

"Will you let him kill us? We are your rightful champions, and surely even you can see this is not a fair fight." She took a second to let the words set in and then ran to Sildin, pulling a potion out of her bag and carefully pouring it down his throat. As the cleric took a panicked breath River helped him up, then positioned herself between him and where Aldric had run to clash with Brynn and Brom while they stood between him and the barely standing Solaren.

"Enough!" A deep voice resounded through the chamber, and everyone's eyes turned to face the demon lord. "The tabaxi is right, this fight is unfair. Aldric, get out of my sights before I make you." He snarled, and Aldric turned to leave in a huff. As much as River wanted to fight him, to have revenge, she knew it was pointless; her ki was exhausted, Solaren and Sildin were too low on mana, Brynn and Brom were in bad shape, and the healing potions would only last them so long. They had to let him go this time, as much as it was frustrating to do so.

Once Aldric was gone the party prepared to leave too, hoping he wasn't waiting to ambush them on the other side of the portal that had brought them to the demon lord's realm. Rather than let them leave, however, the demon lord wanted to know the names of his champions and everyone introduced themselves in turn. But it was River he focused on, asking her to come with him for a moment away from the party.

"You have died recently, have you not?" He asked, his voice oddly quiet.

"I...I have, yes. Within the past month, in fact." River admitted softly, feeling the need to make herself seem as small as possible.

"Delicious." The demon lord licked his lips, looking her up and down as if she were some prize he had just won. "I sense something in you, something different. And I have a proposal for you; be my avatar in the material plane. The ki you've learned to use as a monk can easily be converted into magical spells with my power."

River stopped, looking at him and blinking. The offer was so tempting, because it meant more power for her. But to serve a demon lord, how much good would that really do? Was it worth turning her back on all her oaths for that power? Then again, what better good was there in the world than stopping Aldric from raising Elchulus and restoring the City of the Splendid Sun to end the hollowborn curse?

"I...I would need to know what it would mean, to be your avatar." River tried to sound confident, but that was easier said than done all things considered. The demon lord reminded her of the time spent in monk training, and the demonic force that had terrorized her during that time.

"It would mean you do what I tell you when I tell you, in exchange for my magical powers." He responded plainly, as if that wasn't a cryptic answer.

"Fine....Fine." River sighed. "I accept your offer." Out of a mix of fear for what might happen if she said no, and her own ambition to finally be strong enough to kill Aldric.

"Good. Then come, a deal with me needs to be consummated." The demon lord offered a hand, but River didn't take it right away. Instead she looked back to her friends who were oblivious to the conversation. There was no way they wouldn't know what happened, and the thought of Greystone finding out was a further emotional wound but she had to keep telling herself it was worth it.

"You guys rest, I'll be back." River said loud enough for all of them to hear, and then she turned to the demon lord and went with him to his bedchambers. She stripped, standing bare before him and trying not to seem as afraid as she really was.

"Do you fear me so much?" The demon lord asked, looking at her with an arched eyebrow.

"It....it isn't you, my lord. As part of my monastic training I was locked in a room with a demonic creature that was allowed to torment me for days on end." She admitted, feeling the flush rising in her cheeks. She hadn't ever told anyone outside her order about that, but here she was telling it to a demon lord she barely knew.

"I see. Good." A wicked smile crossed his features, and from there River didn't really know what hit her as the event became a blur.

Pleasure and pain mixed together in such a way that River wasn't sure how to process it. For every torment the demon lord inflicted upon her, including opening the wound that had killed her, a spike of pleasure ran through her body too until they were so intermingled she almost couldn't tell the difference. Time had no meaning, it could have been hours or days or longer before he was done with her, placing one last kiss upon her lips before letting her fall against the bed, panting and sweaty and bloody amongst other things.

"There is a washroom there, you can clean yourself up." He motioned to a closed door at one end of the room, and River wasn't really aware she picked herself up and went to wash off before dressing herself again.

Something inside of her, sometime during that time, snapped. It was as much as physical sensation as it was a mental one as shock set in but she managed to walk out with the demon lord to where her friends were still set up in the main hall and had been resting while waiting for her.

"Take this; it is how I will communicate with you, and teach you to use your powers." The demon lord took River's hand, sliding a pitch black ring onto her middle finger. As if to mock her further, he used the same hand that River had slid Greystone's ring on, the two sitting side by side as reminders.

River said nothing, turning back to her friends with a sort of glazed over expression. They would be free to leave the dungeon, and his envoys would ensure they made it back to the top without incident. But River felt herself changing, slowly, her ki warping into she didn't recognize, and her mind struggling to process the traumas it had suffered along with her physical body. There was no telling what would come of this, but she knew one thing for sure; she felt powerful in a way that her monastic training had never allowed for. An sense of freedom, of not limiting herself because someone told her to. The demon lord offered her the ability to be herself, and to do what she wanted without restraint. Even the guilt she had felt at breaking her monastic oaths with the stargleam was gone now, washed away in the glow of her newfound abilities.


	12. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Weekly Pet Prompt on Subeta, prompt Reflection

River was unusually quiet on the journey from Craghollow to their next destination. Everyone could tell something had changed, but none of them could quite pinpoint what it was. It wasn't like sleeping around was unusual for her, but the demon prince had clearly taken both a physical and emotional toll on her, and for a few days as they traveled River was just lost in herself. She knew what she had done, and the price that was to be paid for it, but she didn't have a lot of choice. The problem was more the way it had affected her mentally, the nightmares and flashbacks she suppressed so no one else would notice, waking up after only a few hours of sleep and watches spent on edge as she both looked for danger and tried to keep herself distracted.

As soon as they reached the next city and decided what inn they were staying at, River split off. They all had shopping to do, be it more healing potions or other necessary supplies, and River especially wanted new clothes. Wearing her monk's robes now just seemed so....disrespectful wasn't quite the word, but there was a similar sense of wrongness all things considered. River couldn't quite describe the feeling, but she did want to get the robes off and get new clothes that were more fitting for what she had become.

An hour later and she had what she needed. The tailor had been very helpful in recommending something, and in then making the proper adjustments for her; a cloak made of a softly muted purple, accented with motifs of stars and moons, with a bandeau and bikini-like bottom made of the same fabric. She exposed much more of herself that way than with her previous outfit, but she didn't wear armor anyway plus her fur would keep her warm in cold conditions, and the cloak would help with that worst case.

Staring at her reflection in the mirror of the shop, River had to stop and look at herself in a way she had never been forced to do before, unable to recognize herself. On the outside she was still much the same, minus some scars and other wounds, but the way she carried herself was more than enough proof of how she had changed over the years. After she left the monastery she stood tall and proud, a smile on her face as she ventured into the world to do good. The incident with the mercenaries had taken some of that out of her, and the last few weeks had taken the rest; she still stood tall, but there was something about the way she stood that spoke to the utter mental exhaustion, her smile replaced by a harsher expression that showed how much she had been through. And yet she also radiated a sense of power that hadn't been there before, a darkness that could be recognized by anyone who knew how to see it. River embraced that, finding a sense of confidence to help fight off the guilt, confusion, and sorrow so that she could move forward.


	13. Coward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A retelling of events from the 12/14/19 campaign. The other mentioned characters and details belong to the other players and the game's DM.

That day, the world came crashing down. Valcoria, the last dragonborn, had summoned all of them because she knew about the dragon egg they carried, their mission to relight the World Flame in the City of the Splendid Sun, and Aldric's plans to use the egg to instead hatch the God of Destruction and claim the world as his own. So far they had kept the egg safe, but if it was to help them on their mission it needed to hatch and Valcoria could help with that, which was why the party trusted her.

But there was more to the truth about the City of the Splendid Sun, a truth that Valcoria revealed and that shattered Sildin and Brom. At the end of the last age, as the Dragon War came to a close, the gods invaded the city and stole pieces of the World Flame to further their own agendas and give themselves the power to become Gods. The Dragon War had wiped out all but a small portion of the true dragons of the world, and so there were none left to light the fire as it was stolen and because the flame remained unlit souls were not being cycled out of the afterlife fast enough as the material plane was slowly being cut off from the astral realms. This is what had led to the hollowborn curse, children being born without souls.

Valcoria told them that the gods knew about this, but they were choosing not to help. They were too enthralled with the power they had, which had only grown as mortals looked up to them as gods and in time forgot that they too were once mortals who fought on the front lines of the Dragon War. They had temples and statues built in their honor all across the world, and masses of followers whose souls would go to their realms when they died. This included the god that Sildin worshiped as a cleric, and the god Brom followed as a paladin. As the pair were crushed under the weight of the information about those they served River simply stood back, fidgeting with the black ring on her finger. The Dark Prince might not have been the best choice, but at least he had been up front with her about what he was and what he stood for and he wasn't actively contributing to the destruction of the world.

There wasn't much time to sit around, however, as the party had work to do. Most notably they needed to clear out a nearby pack of gnolls in order to get paid while Valcoria worked out exactly what they would need to hatch the wyrmling. The breath of a true dragon was needed in most cases, but the heat could be replicated through certain sources such as the heart of a fire giant or a essence belonging to a fire drake, close cousins of true dragons that like dragonborn and kobolds had been part of the dragons attempts to create a faster breeding population with their powers near the end of the Dragon War. Efforts that ultimately failed and were discarded, the legacies living on in those races and more but not being enough to achieve the desired result.

So off they went, leaving the egg with Valcoria for the time being and rolling up their sleeves to do one more job. River felt nervous, having studied her book and played around a little with her newfound magic but not sure she had a handle on it well enough for combat purposes. Worst case she could always fall back on her monk training, the muscle memory remaining enough to allow her to strike effectively with her dagger and a few other weapons but seeming slowed in her general reaction times which left her feeling quite vulnerable.

Soon enough the fight was underway, gnolls pouring out of the cave they had holed up in as the party assaulted them from as many sides as possible. Brynn had left before they even met Valcoria, and River knew she wasn't nimble enough to be on the front lines anymore. Brom tried to handle it himself while River, Sildin and Solaren rained magic down from the cliff above but eventually he was overwhelmed by sheer numbers as the gnolls focused on him since they couldn't climb the cliff to get at the casters. Sildin ran into the fray headlong, aided by magic to keep from falling too hard to the ground below, but even his help was not enough.

River watched as Sildin was slain and she could do nothing to help him. Rushing in would only get her killed too, and maybe Brom if he was distracted trying to look out for her. As those thoughts ran through her head she hesitated, unsure of when that became the case. All her life River had held the belief that those who fought beside her were worth dying for, but now that was untrue and she felt a coward for it. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to move, to go to where the cliff was less steep and slide down the ridge and run in to help. Solaren was behind her, on the ground and out of sight as a fire elemental he summoned raged and all his focus was on keeping the thing under his control so it would kill the gnolls and not turn on them. Yes, better to keep guard on Solaren, even if it selfishly meant saving her own hide.

In the end, the long walk back to Valcoria was somber. The gnolls were dead yes, but Sildin was dead, he had bled out while they were still fighting and now his lifeless body hung limp in Brom's arms as they made the trek. River didn't want to say anything, or even look any of her companions in the eyes. Supposedly Valcoria could bring him back, but what good would that do? Like River before, he would have to choose to return to his body and if he did not then it was all for nothing. If he did, River would never be able to face him. She felt like a failure, everything she had spent her life working for was drained away and all that was left was a gaping hole filled with darkness that was slowly spreading, slowly eating away at every part of her, and in time it would consume her. But maybe, just maybe, that was for the best in the end....


	14. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A retelling of events from several campaigns in January 2020. The other mentioned characters and details belong to the other players and the game's DM.

The party was lucky that day. Sildin was willing to return to his body, and Valcoria had performed the ritual. But River couldn't look at him without feeling her stomach drop, the memory that her own cowardice had caused his death in the first place. Even if he didn't show it at the start being brought back from the dead would change him, and she couldn't watch that either.

Feeling that fighting a fire giant was, at the moment, a bit too risky they had agreed to cross the mountains into a land known as The Everbog. Hopefully they could pick up some jobs in the various cities to earn some coin and better equip themselves for the fight, and perhaps even gain a bit more experience in a place known as the Noxidome, honing techniques to make things easier.

But the more days went on, the more River knew she couldn't stay. There was just too much in her head, regrets and guilt and negativity building to the point where she barely slept at night and could only pray her friends either didn't notice or didn't say anything. River had to make things right, with Greystone and with her monastery, and even though the world was in danger she knew if she tried to keep going it would tear her apart.

When they reached the small town of Greymist it was time. Though everyone had intended to stay the night at an inn the situation had quickly devolved into a need to head out into the swamps immediately in order to look for a lost child that had presumably been kidnapped by something nasty living out there. It was now or never, so as River went back inside to tell the innkeeper they would need to postpone their room reservation she also unshouldered her Bag of Holding and slid it across the bar along with a letter.

"When my friends come back in please give this to them." River kept her voice low, and the serious tone was just a compliment to her expression at that point.

"Aye, I can do that." The half-orc gave a solemn nod, watching as the tabaxi woman slipped out a back door and into the night with her cloak pulled tight and the hood hiding her face to help keep her from being discovered.

Eventually, River knew, when she didn't come back out the front someone would come in after her. They'd find the bag and the contents she had left behind; ink and parchment for Solaren since she didn't need what she'd bought, her dragonstooth dagger in the hope someone else might put it to use, a good chunk of her gold and a few other trinkets, and the letter she had written for them to explain herself. She just hoped they would listen and not try to follow her, and that going forward she would indeed be able to fix things somehow.

_My dear friends,_

_I am so sorry about this. I wanted to do good in the world, I was trying so hard to help and somewhere along the way I lost sight of what was actually important. I got too caught up in things, and allowed myself to want power so badly that I made the mistake of pledging my service without thinking things through all the way. Power I intended to use to help, for there is no greater good than our mission to save the world, but not like this. Not at the cost of the corruption I've faced within myself, and knowing now that it took me far too long to realize the path I was headed down. So long that now I can't turn back, and things can never be as they were._

_I have shamed my monastery, and now done more harm than good for not just the world but for you as my friends too. I fear that may continue to be the case, or that worse doing so may put your lives in danger again and I would never be able to forgive myself if that happened. I couldn't face all of you to say goodbye, because I knew you'd try to stop me. But I need all of you to understand this is something I need to do for myself, and I can't stay._

_I'll leave behind the bag of holding and all of its contents, as well as a share of gold for each of you. Please stay safe, all of you, and please do not try to follow me. I will likely return to my monastery to make amends for breaking my vows, and move on from there. Maybe I will ask Greystone to come with me, if he wants to, and find a way to make amends with him over this as well because I do intend to tell him the truth. You were all right in saying I shouldn't have kept it from him, I was just too stubborn to admit I was wrong and too afraid of the consequences._

_Traveling with all of you has been the best adventure I've ever been on. I will miss each and every one of you dearly, but I also have faith that you will be able to continue this mission without me. Thank you for your friendship, and thank you for everything that you taught me. Maybe we'll see each other again someday._

_~River_


	15. Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While this did not actually happen during the campaign, I did discuss with the DM that I wanted these events to be canon and so they are. This isn't the end of River's stories, not by far, but it is where Veil begins her life :)

River braced herself against one of the walls, waving a dismissive hand at the guard escorting her as the man gave her a nervous look.

"I just need a moment." She breathed deeply, pulling herself together despite the pain. To everyone else she looked frail and sickly, her own illusory magic hiding what was really going on as she managed to shuffle along the hallway to the office of the guard captain in charge of Craghollow Keep. It had been months since she'd been there, last time with her friends as they were looking for information on Aldric and helped the keep seal some ancient catacombs beneath the fortress. But now she was alone and hanging on by a thread and hoping that she could last long enough to get what she needed.

"I remember you." The guard captain looked at River as she entered the office space, though he raised a curious eyebrow upon seeing the state she was in. "One of my men came ahead to tell me you were here and said you looked unwell, but I fear they were not quite as clear on how severe it really is. Should I fetch a healer?"

"No, that won't be necessary." River grimaced, taking another deep breath to calm herself. "I have been seen by many healers and people of the sort, they can no longer help me with this....disease."

"I see. So then, why have you come here? I remember you and those with you did much for us the last time you were here, but I can't imagine why you would have returned." He knew something wasn't right and River was keeping something, but he just couldn't put his finger on it.

"I want you to open the catacombs for me." River said bluntly. "I am dying, and I would like to do so in a place where I know my body will rest without disturbance." She would have said something else, but the blood that came out of her mouth barely stopped by the hand she put over it put a quick stop to her words.

The guard captain stared with a mixture of emotions, mostly pity and understanding, before nodding. "Normally I would not open the catacombs under anything but the most serious circumstances. However given what you did for us before and what is happening now I can honor that request." He stood up, offering a hand to River that she waved off.

"Thank you. But please, I do not wish to be touched. I am in a lot of pain, contact makes it worse." River stood, barely hiding how much pain she was in and glad that the illusion magic hid everything else.

"As you wish. Come then, I will get you down there right now." There wasn't a lot of time to waste all things considered, so he stood as well and let River exit first before following her out and then leading the way to the entrance into the catacombs.

The entrance was magically sealed, and with good reason; there were plenty of foul things lurking down there from the undead that the guards knew of to several fiends and a portal into the realm of the Demon Prince that, as far as River knew, they had no idea existed. As the guard captain recited the words to open it River stood by, leaning on the wall to steady herself. Every passing minute was agony, but soon enough the gates were open and the familiar staircase greeted her.

"Thank you. If.....If my friends come looking, I ask that you tell them I was here and left. They mean well, but if they can find my body in enough time they might try to bring me back. I don't want that, and I don't want the heartbreak for them when my spirit is unwilling to return to my body, or if something else is wrong and they aren't able to make the spell work." River's voice faltered, but she held her head high and made her way down the stairs as the guard captain nodded in her direction. He spoke the words to seal the gates again as River reached the bottom of the stairs, and when the last light faded leaving her with just the black and white provided by her darkvision she collapsed, the world going dark around her before she could get any further into the dungeon.

River woke to the sound of a baby crying, her ears twitching as her senses came back to her slowly. Blurred vision cleared, revealing a black-skinned human figure sitting beside her holding a swaddled infant in his arms that was slowly calming down. She didn't recognize her surroundings at all, the room darkly colored and the bed under her unusually soft, but she knew the man and quickly turned her face away as the pain washed over her.

"You're awake." The Demon Prince looked at River as she moved, well aware she was conscious even before that time.

"Yes." River mumbled.

"I thought you would be, eventually." His eyes went down to the child, now calmed and fast asleep after the crying fit. "She's beautiful, you know. In a very strange sort of way."

"How long was I out?" River asked, ignoring everything else for the moment.

"Almost a month. Honestly I'm surprised you woke so soon, you were extremely ill and the pregnancy had not sat well with you. The healer had to cut the child out of your body and stitch you back up afterwards." He answered, well aware that trying to do otherwise would only agitate River.

"It's a girl? And I assume you named her?" River almost sounded bitter, disappointed even.

"I consulted a local tribe of your people. They decided that her name should be Veil of a Mask, and so that is what her name is. Even if she is only half tabaxi they were willing once I explained the situation, at the time we honestly thought that you might not survive and I did want to keep some part of your culture alive in our daughter." He got up from the chair, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge with Veil in his arms.

"How thoughtful of you. But you should have let me die." She almost spat at him, the words laced with all the hatred she had both for him and for herself.

"Now now, what kind of father to our child would I be if I just let that happen? And what kind of patron would I be to my warlock?" He gave her a sinister grin, reaching out to caress her cheek even as she recoiled from him.

"I will not be your avatar in the world anymore. I will not bear the shame and the guilt that doing so brought me." River choked back the tears as she spoke, trying not to give him the satisfaction. Greystone, for all his kindness and love, could not forgive River for lying to him and pledging herself to a force of evil. Her monastery had cast her out for breaking her vows. Her friends were long gone, on their way to continue saving the world while River couldn't bring herself to kill the child inside of her or put its life in danger continuing to be an adventurer. She had hoped to die and at least give that child a chance to live, even if it would be raised by the Demon Prince, but the fact that she was now conscious and having the conversation at hand proved she wasn't so lucky.

"You will change your mind, my dear. They always do."


End file.
